"...these loaves that I will share with you, were baked with love, and what I know so far. I'm a firm believer that we are what we eat, and I pray the bread I share here with you, will nourish and encourage you".

Monday, September 28, 2009


I’m sure you have heard this ever so popular, but very baffling phrase “We always hurt the ones we love”. Why is that I wonder?

We say it as if it were an answer. A reason for the nails we drive, the digs we make, the hurt we cause, when the truth as I see it is that it is an excuse. Maybe it’s because we’ve become too comfortable with the people in our space. Take too much for granted, assume too much. I don’t know, could be a proximity issue. We’re just too close and when I reach out to stretch, I cant help but hit you. Oooh-ouch!

But you know what? I believe that we should at least try and treat our treasures with some modicum of respect. Still I know that even the best, or let me say the most conscious among us, still sometimes hurt the ones we love.

Okay then, if it is something that is so prone to happen, what should be the next action? I’m sorry? Some say, “Love means never having to say I’m sorry”. Talk to me on that one, because I’m not buying it at all! What about you? I mean if you hurt me, you need to say something. But, does “I’m sorry” really work? That's a toughie...because you see, once lost, trust is oftentimes extremely difficult to regain. And it could take an incredible amount of time. And depending upon the nature of the hurt, insult or injury, it could be impossible. Those things said and done for the intended purpose to maim are often the straws that breaks the camels back.

But before we go to far, lets go back to. “I’m sorry”. There may be something to learn there. For how we begin to rebuild the trust, love and friendship could be in the acknowledgement of the hurt we’ve caused, albeit unknowingly. Now acknowledgements and apologies, I’m thinking, are two entirely different things. To acknowledge is to show a sign of recognition. In this case a sign showing, or even better a verbal recognition of the fact that something you did or said, no matter what your intention, hurt or caused pain to someone that you love. In my opinion, this is critical otherwise, why are you sorry? If you don’t understand what you’ve done, you are most likely to repeat it.

An “I’m sorry” on the other hand is what I call grown folks business. It is a willingness to relinquish your ego for the sake of someone you care about. And I’m thinking that your but should be left out as well. “I know I hurt you, but...” in my opinion is not an apology at all. I have found that there’s usually a big ole but in front of an excuse. I say leave your but out of it! When apologizing to some one I have learned to simply say, “I see that I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry, please forgive me”. Sure, I have a hundred reasons why I did it, at least one hundred reasons that make me less guilty, however truth in that minute is, who cares, I blew it.

I don’t think that it is okay to hurt the ones we profess to love. I think that it is foolish, selfish and careless. And I hope that it is not a foregone conclusion, to take for granted the love and trust that we’ve been given. I think to think that no matter what we do or say, however we choose to use or abuse those relationships and to think that they will last, is sheer madness. Many an unhappy and lonely person can attest to this.

Cause you see this is what I know so far;
Your feelings of pain and disappointment behind something that I choose for my self, this, I can not help. But recklessly and carelessly hurting you, I can! So when I blow it, let me know it!
I see that I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry, please forgive me.
No buts!

1 comment:

  1. Every man and every woman who has ever said or done something that hurt the ones they love, should read your thoughts, embrace your feelings and walk your peaceful path. And, of course, that means each and enery one of us. Is it really so hard to show someone you care by asking for forgiveness? Not at all when saying "I'm sorry!" is a heartfelt, unqualified expression of caring and love.


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Cassandra takes center stage at The Marcus Center For The Performing Arts to sing the National Anthem, at the 2010 Birthday Celebration for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.