I AIN'T MAD AT YOU BARBRA STREISAND!

I'M SORRY (NO BUTS)

I’m sure you have heard this ever so popular, but very baffling phrase “We always hurt the ones we love”. Why is that I wonder?

We say it as if it were an answer. A reason for the nails we drive, the digs we make, the hurt we cause, when the truth as I see it is that it is an excuse. Maybe it’s because we’ve become too comfortable with the people in our space. Take too much for granted, assume too much. I don’t know, could be a proximity issue. We’re just too close and when I reach out to stretch, I cant help but hit you. Oooh-ouch!

But you know what? I believe that we should at least try and treat our treasures with some modicum of respect. Still I know that even the best, or let me say the most conscious among us, still sometimes hurt the ones we love.

Okay then, if it is something that is so prone to happen, what should be the next action? I’m sorry? Some say, “Love means never having to say I’m sorry”. Talk to me on that one, because I’m not buying it at all! What about you? I mean if you hurt me, you need to say something. But, does “I’m sorry” really work? That's a toughie...because you see, once lost, trust is oftentimes extremely difficult to regain. And it could take an incredible amount of time. And depending upon the nature of the hurt, insult or injury, it could be impossible. Those things said and done for the intended purpose to maim are often the straws that breaks the camels back.

But before we go to far, lets go back to. “I’m sorry”. There may be something to learn there. For how we begin to rebuild the trust, love and friendship could be in the acknowledgement of the hurt we’ve caused, albeit unknowingly. Now acknowledgements and apologies, I’m thinking, are two entirely different things. To acknowledge is to show a sign of recognition. In this case a sign showing, or even better a verbal recognition of the fact that something you did or said, no matter what your intention, hurt or caused pain to someone that you love. In my opinion, this is critical otherwise, why are you sorry? If you don’t understand what you’ve done, you are most likely to repeat it.

An “I’m sorry” on the other hand is what I call grown folks business. It is a willingness to relinquish your ego for the sake of someone you care about. And I’m thinking that your but should be left out as well. “I know I hurt you, but...” in my opinion is not an apology at all. I have found that there’s usually a big ole but in front of an excuse. I say leave your but out of it! When apologizing to some one I have learned to simply say, “I see that I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry, please forgive me”. Sure, I have a hundred reasons why I did it, at least one hundred reasons that make me less guilty, however truth in that minute is, who cares, I blew it.

I don’t think that it is okay to hurt the ones we profess to love. I think that it is foolish, selfish and careless. And I hope that it is not a foregone conclusion, to take for granted the love and trust that we’ve been given. I think to think that no matter what we do or say, however we choose to use or abuse those relationships and to think that they will last, is sheer madness. Many an unhappy and lonely person can attest to this.

Cause you see this is what I know so far;
Your feelings of pain and disappointment behind something that I choose for my self, this, I can not help. But recklessly and carelessly hurting you, I can! So when I blow it, let me know it!
I see that I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry, please forgive me.
No buts!

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Has anyone ever had to tell you to mind your own business? Well as a child growing up I heard it all the time. You see I used to be very nosy, not so much now, but I used to be. So my mother was constantly having to tell me “Cassandra mind your own business!”. It was as though “mind your own business” were my last and middle names. I didn’t know at that time what a powerful statement this was, but since I know now, I'm going to encourage each and every one of you to mind your own business!

Now check yourself. Do you feel empowered or insulted? If you're feeling slighted, you don’t know me very well. For I have but one mission in sharing with you what I know so far, and that is to empower, inspire, motivate and hopefully, entertain you.

So then. When I tell you to mind your own business, what I'm really saying is, where is the power in that statement? The fact that no one other than you was never meant to, or is able to mind your business. Whatever your business happens to be.

And whatever that business is, it is worthy of minding.

Not sure? Well then let’s check out the meaning of business, as it is defined:
A particular trade or profession, a company or other organization that buys and sells goods, makes products, or provides services.

Business is also considered to be any activity involving the exchange of money for goods or services the commercial dealings that a person or organization has with another company or individual. And this last definition should include everyone whether you are in business or not, for business also means; The personal responsibilities and concerns, tasks or important things that a person has to do or deal with.

In other words, the care and feeding of you. Your life is your business.

I see business as an agreement, for it is a two party dance. Whether you are minding your own or supporting someone else’s. I also see the willingness to mind your business as opportunity; for it is easier now more than ever before to create your own business. And in my opinion it is the only way to have real job security. You see, when you are willing and able to mind your own business no one can hold you hostage. If your business dose not succeed or you loose your job, the lessons, or as I like to say the muscles developed in minding your own business, remain and strengthen you to start anew. When experience is gained, nothing is lost.

Question. Do you have an entrepreneurial dream, however big or small? Are you aware that you can achieve it, if you will mind it? Are you aware that even if you have no desire to strike out on your own, your personal success lies behind the ability to mind your own business? Minding your own business brings you home to you. It is the willingness to check and re-check yourself. It is the ability to make changes when necessary. It is being smart enough to say, “I don’t know” and being wise enough to get the information.

Minding your own business is personal, it is a position of self empowerment, for if you know your business, you are less susceptible to chaos and distractions, your more able to stay your course, which is the only way of attaining success.

Minding your own business, is a neutral, or nonjudgmental position. When you mind your own business you aren’t as concerned with the business or antics of others. When you mind your own business, you don’t notice the splinter in my eye and miss the wood-plank in your own.

I believe that it is a consciousness of lack, and insecurities that keeps us from the minding of our own business. I suspect that it’s when you believe that there isn’t enough to go around, you might manipulate situations to ensure your gain. You're less likely to support the efforts and business’s of others. When the truth, as I see it anyway, is the only way to grow your dreams, your desires and your business is to support that of others... while minding your own.

So you see this is what I know so far;
The next time some one tells you to "mind your own business" use it as an invitation to be all that you can be. Because if you don’t mind your own business everyone else will try to.
But remember, no one is more qualified than you!

FEAR FACTOR

What are you afraid of? In the dark of night when you are all alone, what is your greatest fear? There is no shame, we all have them. As a matter of fact many of us are ruled by them. And since that is a fact, let us first understand what fear is. For to face anything it must first be recognized, identified, understood or defined.

The word fear is defined as follows; feeling of anxiety, an unpleasant feeling of apprehension or distress caused by the presence or anticipation of danger frightening thought. An idea, or other entity that causes feelings of fear. Fear is also described as a chance or likelihood of an undesirable thing happening. And guess what. Fears are usually irrational, lacking reason or logic. Still fears are very real and really powerful, for often they prompt us to actions. Fear is like the classroom bully. Or those things that go bump in the night.

Now was it just me, or did you too hear words like, ideas, feelings, chances, and anticipations. And the word illusion may as well be added. For that is all that fear really is. A lie. These are the definitions of fear, the root of fear is an entirely different thing, which should also be defined. However that is personal.

Let me share with you a story, or a lesson if you will, taught to me by my nephew. This was just one of many things I have learned from him. This one taught to me when he was just 5 years old.
At my parents home there was this huge blow-up cow. I believe it was some promotional tool, and it was big enough to get the point across. But for some reason it frightened my nephew. It was kept upstairs, therefore that became a place where he would not tread. Not until the day that he taught me a very powerful lesson about the facing of ones fears.

I was visiting, and as usual when I came to town I spent a lot of time with him. I’d asked him if he wanted to play our favorite video game, which was also upstairs. He said he would and so I headed for the stairs, but he followed me. Knowing that, the thing resided at the top of the stairs, I said “Sweetie, I’ll get it, you don’t have to come with me”. But he said it’s okay Auntie, “I’ve decided to face my fears”.

Out of the mouths of babes, he stopped me dead in my tracks. I ask him to repeat what he’d just said, and he did. Funny how life’s lesson come, it occurred to me that I hadn’t yet made that decision. And I was well into my thirties.
So let me ask you this. Have you, have you decided to face your fears? And if you have, did you find what my nephew did? For upon deciding to face his fear of the thing at the top of the stairs, he found nothing more than a silly blow up promotional item.
Nothing more than air blown into plastic.

Face your fears, and see how silly they are! I invite you, I dare you.
Now I know that there will always be things in life which are a little hard to take, things that we fear. We imagine them in advance. We wonder how we would deal with such situations, and hope they never happen to us. I also know how powerful fear is, for its remarkable how many times the things that we fear might happen to us actually do. But that’s because we’ve fueled them.

Remember, we magnify the objects of our focus. Good or bad, our thoughts are energy and they have growing power. Often times fear shows up as insecurities. And our fears and insecurities can rule and wreck our relationships as well as our lives if we don’t face them.

So now, let me ask you this; which would you rather do- fuel your fears or face them? You get to decide, but before you do, might I share with you what I know so far?
Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is little more than a decision we’ve have made to react to something in a particular way. Often before we truly know what we’re dealing with. Change your mind and face your fears.

INCURABLE

Believing as I do that words are things, I have found it necessary from time to time to smith a word. That is to redefine or refine it’s definition into something that has within it more possibilities for success. Never may this tweaking be more needed than when one is given the devastating news that their prognosis holds no happy ending. That one’s affairs should be gotten in order.

That what they have is incurable.

The word incurable is as defined; Impossible to cure and impossible to change. “That’s it, that’s all they wrote”. But wait before we spin out of control, remember we have the ability to smith, redefine and refine this definition one that offers options, to one that offers hope, one that offers possibility... one that offers life.

In order to see it clearly let us dissect the word, let us separate the word in from the word curable. The word in is a grammatical word indicating that something or somebody is within or inside something. Now let us examine the word curable. It is as defined; capable of being treated by medical procedures, able to be healed.

Now let us rejoin our words in and curable, now that it has a whole new meaning. Incurable now tell us that the cure, or our healing is already within us. I am far more encouraged than afraid of the word incurable for I am reminded that as a child of God, everything I need whenever I need it, whatever it is, is available to me, is within me.

Our faith is often the last resort when the medical profession appears to fail us. But the truth as I see it anyway, is that every single healing by whichever way it come is a miracle. And let us examine for a minute, what it is to be healed. For one’s own healing is personal. As most of our souls are wounded on some level, often times it is not until the ultimate challenge comes, the one that’s threatens our very mortality, that we go ahead and do the growth. Do the thing, live the lives that we were meant to live.

And while we are looking, let us look at living shall we? The thing about life, the common thread that stitches us all together is that no one gets out of life alive. So what…you want to live forever? Or live for real? There’s really only one choice. Make it.

Because you see this is what I know so far; As soon as you do, as soon as you decide to live and decide for yourself how your life will be, no diagnosis will phase you. For you will be in-lighten, in-abled, in-powered, in-couraged and incurable!